Freak-A-Mate
by Erbanana
Summary: Check
1. Chapter 1

Pinkie Pie ate the last of the frosting.

"Mm-mm! That was delicious, Twilight!" she said.

"Thank you, Pinkie Pie, but," Twilight brushed her fringe aside, "I have a favour to ask."

"What is it, Twilight?"

"My wings are so sore. I need that spare spa appointment Verity booked for you, if you don't mind."

"My spa appointment!"

"I hope you don't mind, Pinkie Pie," said Twilight, "if you don't mind…"

"But that's _my_ spa appointment! I'm saving it for a very special party date!"

"Pinkie," pleaded Twilight. "I'm really exhausted. Princess Celestia needs me to explain friendship, and I haven't had any friendship lately. I've been working so hard."

"You're not the only worker in Ponyville, sister!" shot back Pinkie Pie. "Hand over the rest of the cupcakes and not one cake shall get hurt!"

"All right, all right." Twilight flew the box over with her horn. She slumped to the ground.

"What's the matter?" asked Pinkie Pie, with the shortest short-term memory in Ponyville. "Are you feeling OK? You look like you need a rest. I know what to do, take my spare spa appointment Verity booked up for me."

Twilight decided to play along. "Oh, but I couldn't…"

"Yes, you must!" Pinkie bit it and handed it over. Twilight flicked through her diary, and contacted the spa with a flying scroll.

"I wish I studied as hard as you," said Pinkie Pie. "But I'm just a horse, not a pegasus and an unicorn."

"Like Applejack," said Twilight quickly. "You're both my very best horse-friends."

"Heyyy," said Pinkie Pie, turning evil. "What about… Rainbow Dash?"

"She's a pegasus! Pinkie, Pinkie," Twilight gave her appointment diary back. "Have… you any cupcake customers to think of?"

Pinkie Pie dodged round the table and glared at her. "No!"

"Cake to bake?" Twilight considered making a domed shield with her magic, but Pinkie Pie was her friend.

"Nope! My job is about testing frosting today, not slaving away under an oven, you sexist thing!"

"Pinkie Pie!" implored Twilight, and took to the air imperfectly.

Pinkie Pie reared up and caught Twilight on the hoof with her forehead. "Take that!"

Twilight broke out of a spin. "Pinkie Pie, what are you doing? We're friends!"

Pinkie Pie leapt into the air and clicked her teeth.

"Pinkie!"

Applejack and Rarity heard the commotion from outside the shop. Applejack charged in.

"Sweetie, Pinkie Pie, what in tarnation do you think you're doing?"

Pinkie Pie smiled brightly, still leaping into the air. "Hello, Applejack! Won't you try some frosting? It's pink, like me!"

Rarity floated Pinkie Pie's broken appointment book back onto a counter.

"Pinkie Pie, we're going to be late for the spa. Stop disturbing a customer – oh, why it's you, Twilight!"

"Rarity! Applejack! Help me!" Twilight stopped flapping and tumbled to the floor. Pinkie Pie rushed over and starting biting her. "Help!"

Applejack's mouth fell open. Rarity skidded over and dug her hooves between the princess and Pinkie Pie.

"Stop it!" she cried. "Stop it! I can't believe it! Ow!"

Pinkie Pie began gnawing on Rarity's hooves.

Applejack came to her senses and kicked at the table. The box of frosting landed on the floor, and Pinkie Pie immediately nosed her way over to it and started slurping.

"Twilight, are you all right?" Rarity helped her up.

Twilight's feathers and mane were all sticking upright at terrible angles.

"No-o," she said woozily. "What-what happened?"

Rarity glanced down. "What did you do to my hooves, Pinkie Pie, this is a new outfit!"

Applejack kicked a tiered cake over Pinkie Pie which she wore as a collar, brim and bonnet. More frosting poured on top.

Pinkie Pie shook the cake off into crumbs and nuzzled the frosting on the floor.

"MORE!" she cried. "MoRe mOrE!"

The other ponies backed away from the mess on the floor called Pinkie Pie.

"mOrE FrOsTiNg, i NEed mOrE FrOsTiNg!" Pinkie Pie slavered at the mouth, which she held open, red-tongued and teeth a-gleaming.

Her teeth clicked together again.

Applejack kicked the front door open, and the my little ponies galloped out.


	2. Chapter 2

Fluttershy found the spa buddies hiding near her house.

"Fluttershy!" cried Twilight. "We need you to soothe Pinkie Pie."

"Pinkie Pie." Fluttershy frowned softly. "What's happened to her?"

"She's trying to eat us!" called Applejack.

"Nonsense," cried Rarity. "She's gone a little cuckoo."

"Oh yeah? I'm not the one with teethmarks!"

Twilight flew over to Fluttershy and showed her the bites.

"Oh my," said Fluttershy. "I'd better heal that. Come in."

pInKiEeEe PiE wasn't feeling herself in a good way. Her forgetting moments were speeding up. First frosting, then some Twilight, she found in her memory, then Twilight, then all the girls. What fun they must be having!

She came to, covered in chocolate crumbs and white icing, near Zecora's house.

Zecora would know what to do, she thought, and bounced through her door.

Twilight paced backwards and forwards in Fluttershy's house. The forest critters watched her from the shelves.

"I can't think what's possessed Pinkie Pie," she said. "She was behaving Pinkie Pie-normal until I asked her about the spa."

"There's nothing else happening," added Rainbow Dash.

"What spa?" asked Rarity. "We didn't know you'd be in town." She sighed. "I would've booked you in, if we'd known."

"Well, yes," said Twilight, tittering. "I should've called on you first, Rarity."

"There's nothing else happening," Rainbow Dash repeated. "Is there?"

"Not that I'm aware of," said Twilight. "Oh dear, I hope you, Rarity, aren't correct about Pinkie Pie."

Rarity snorted. "She's lost it! She's crazy! I've been saying this since she brought in five cakes for make-up lessons and a fashion parade!"

Rainbow Dash sniggered. "The cake suited your tiara."

Rarity ignored her. "Our fruitcake friend deserves our help," she said. "That's what friends are for!"

"How?"

Fluttershy pitched in. "When my forest creatures are feeling mindfully unwell, I have to sing them a lullaby to bring them in."

"Excellent," said Rarity.

"Does it work on ponies?" asked Twilight, missing her books.

Fluttershy looked down. "I think so. It works on everything else, even trees. But only the mindfully ill, it won't work on violent people or animals."

Applejack shuddered. "She was looking kinda scary the last time I saw her."

"AAARRRGGGHHHH!"

All ponies screamed as Pinkie Pie leapt and pressed her face flat to the window. Twilight quickly floated the wooden latch across the door, not a moment too soon. The door thumped as Pinkie Pie attacked it.

"AAARRRGGGHHHH!" they screamed as Pinkie Pie poked open the door. Her eyes were red and streaming.

"iT wAs YoU, iT wAs YoU," she cried. "yOu Did This To eM!"

Twilight slammed her hooves against the door, and refastened it with Applejack.

"Pinkie Pie," she cried through the wood. "What happened to you?"

Applejack yelled, "What have we done to them?"

"Who's them?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"mY FrOsTiNg tOld mE," intoned Pinkie Pie. She hit the door again with hooves.

"The frosting talks," said Twilight, going through her memory. "I need my books."

"What did it say?" asked Applejack in horror.

"EAT ME!" cried Pinkie Pie. "N-never e-ever sell me again. EAT ME ALL!"

She panted under the door. "Eat me," she whispered, "like I plan to eat myself."

"Pinkie Pie!" implored Rarity. "Get a good hold of yourself…"

"Like this?" Pinkie Pie moved to a window, and bit her cutie mark.

"Give yourself a good shake down…"

"BRRRR!" Pinkie Pie shook all over, splattering the window with drool.

"Take a deep breath," added Rainbow Dash, as Fluttershy stared in dismay at her windowbox. Pinkie Pie was snapping at the now-unhappy flowers.

Pinkie Pie's cheeks swelled up. She nodded.

"And relax," said Rarity.

Pinkie Pie toppled over backwards.

The my little ponies as one looked out the window. She was lying supine on the grass, legs twitching in the air.

They sighed with relief.

"Now what?" asked Rainbow Dash in disbelief. "I think she's really far gone."

Twilight said, "I need to check how she can overcome possession like that."

Fluttershy opened another window, a teeny bit, and began her lullaby.


	3. Chapter 3

Rainbow Dash raised Pinkie Pie onto a light pink fluffy cloud and pushed her towards the hospital. Rarity contacted Pinkie Pie's parents.

Twilight called to say that it was unlikely that Pinkie Pie was possessed after all. Her scroll unrolled further to reveal a slightly embarrassed Get Well Soon card.

Fluttershy stayed with her overnight at the hospital, unwrapping various gift cards, blowing up balloons, and above all, removing all traces of cake and frosting.

When Fluttershy snoozed off, the doctors tried tying Pinkie Pie to the bed with bandages, the first things to hoof.

Pinkie Pie awoke with a spinning kaleidoscope wobbling above her head.

"Whoah!" she mumbled through a spitty jaw. She had drooled more in the night over herself.

Fluttershy mopped her dry. "There we are, Pinkie Pie. And how are we feeling this afternoon?"

"C KKKKEEEEE! Yippee!" screamed Pinkie Pie impossibly. Her head jutted forwards and her teeth clicked on mid-air.

"Oh," said Fluttershy. "Doctor! She's still feeling a teensy big bit unwell."

"Come now, Miss Pinkie Pie. Pull yourself together. All your friends will be visiting soon."

"C -K !" said Pinkie Pie. "C -kA m -mA. Ka-ka-ka-ka."

"No more cake," said the Doctor firmly to Fluttershy. "It's what may have sent her over the edge."

Fluttershy nodded. "Yes, Doctor. I'd better stop her parents."

With that, Fluttershy trotted out the room and skidded into the corridor. There was a large number of Pinkie's Ponyville friends and family packed into one tiny corridor. More spilled out the elevator, and others were flying fast through the windows bearing gifts.

Everything smelt like candied cake.

Mrs. Pie, her mum, hurried forwards. "Why, dear, is she awake yet?"

Fluttershy barged into her, and said, "Yes, but she doesn't need cake."

"Cake?" cried her father. "She always needs cake! It's what she lives for, cooking and baking and tasting."

"Why, it's her cutie mark," said her mother. "We wouldn't deny her from her very heart's desire."

The whole herd of friends and family charged past Fluttershy into the ward, taking the ripe smell of cake and frosting with them. At the back, her friends, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Twilight were all asleep, huddled down in gift wrap and ribbons.

Fluttershy walked over. "Wake up," she called. "I think they're disobeying the doctors."

*~###

Twilight awoke to the sound of Fluttershy murmuring something solemnly and to the sudden cries erupting from the ward. There was so much family, but they couldn't back up the corridor fast enough and all wedged at the other end, near the double doors.

Ponies whinnied in trouble. Twilight couldn't make out what the doctors nor the parents were shouting.

"Is Pinkie Pie all right?" asked Applejack, opening a window for Rainbow Dash, who flew out and hovered near Pinkie Pie's room windows.

She flew back. "I can't see, I can't see! There's so much cake they're offloading."

Applejack giggled. "Pinkie Pie's sure got so many admirers."

"I could do with some," said Rarity, getting up. "No, no! Oh, would you look at my mane?! What was I thinking of last night?"

Applejack touched her with her hoof. "Helping your friends," she said.

Fluttershy added, "Pinkie Pie's not allowed any more cake or frosting. Doctor's orders."

"Which," said Twilight in dismay, "her family are disobeying. We've got to get rid of the cake!"

"We can't eat it all," said Rainbow Dash. "We'll get fat." Rarity nodded.

Twilight glanced up at the sky. "We could wash it all away if we had some rainclouds. I know! I'll open a vortex!" Besides her, Spike discovered her scrolls under the gift wrap and starting searching for the relevant spell.

"Here you are, Princess," he said. "An incantation for cake removal. And spice," he added.

Twilight refocused and beat her wings. With Fluttershy steadying her, she flew around the hospital and kicked open a window with her hooves. Balancing on the window ledge, she recited the incantation.

A vortex opened above Pinkie's Pie head and immediately started sucking in cake. A swirl of cakecrumbs threaded through the air, out of horses' mouths and out of, in one case, sacks.

Pinkie Pie's attentive family and admirers stared at Twilight, then began cheering. Balloons burst and party streamers rolled.

Rainbow Dash joined her outside the window. Her mouth dropped open.

"Pinkie Pie, what are you eating?"

Pinkie Pie's face strained and blew out a very large swell of bubblegum. It didn't pop, but blocked the view from the window.

Twilight popped it with her hoof, laughing. "Oh, Pinkie Pie!"

A sticky bubble-gummed crowd led forlornly out of the hospital down below. Pinkie Pie had been left alone with her friends at the very last of visiting hour.

"But I can't remember anything!" she insisted.

"Try, Pinkie Pie," said Twilight wearily.

"But I need cake! I can't think without cupcakes. Sugar is a whole food group."

Fluttershy bit the blanket and pulled it up Pinkie Pie's bed.

"We'll bring you some apples tomorrow," promised Applejack.

Pinkie Pie pouted. "That's not food." She wailed. "I. Make. Cake!"

Her cheeks expanded, and drool trickled down her chin.

"I think she's gone again," said Doctor Hooves.

Twilight stared at him. "How long will Pinkie Pie be like this for?"

"It could be years," he said gently. "We'll see in time. In the meantime…"

"No more cake!" the friends chorused.

THE END


End file.
